As a father of four I know that most children will tell
at least one lie in their
life. Husbands will tell at least one in his life
to save himself. That lie will come
when his wife will ask him
if she looks as good as when they got married or if she
is trying on a pair of pants
and she asks him if she looks fat. Self
preservation is
a great motivator for
lying. Lies however are like stones they
have no legs to stand
upon and need other lies to
stand up. Telling the truth is the best
policy. But here
is the question how do you
teach children to not lie when it seems the most natural
things to do? The next two articles will help deal with
this issue.
Most children tell a lie sometime or another but not
always for the same
reasons. Until a children reaches five it is very hard
for them to distinquish between
fantasy and reality. I remember one time our daughter just had her
hair cut by a
friend and they had the gall
to tell my wife that space crabs had done the deed.
Picture this if you
can. My wife is sitting there in shock
as these two so called
innocent five year olds are
telling her that space alien crabs had come
and cut
our daughter's hair. By the way my wife did not believe the story
at all. I wonder
why/ My daughter found out that day that reality
has tougher consequences than
fantasy.
Children under the age of five do struggle with what is
real and what is
imaginary or fantasy. Children under five often say ehsy they wish
or fantasize to
be true rather than what is
really the case. So pre-school children
will often say
they didn't do something
when they actually did. This is because
they have
convinced themselves that
they didn't do it.
Older children however are quite a different story. They have a much
clearer understanding
between truth and fantasy. They also
understand that lying
is wrong. Thus older children have other motivations
for not telling the truth. The
following are the most
common reasons older children do not tell the truth.
1. To keep
out of trouble. This is probably the
most common lie children tell. Plain
and simple the don't want to get
punished. No one likes punishment or
discipline.
2. To put
down other children. Mean lies about
other children is usually an attempt
to boost self eesteem by comparison. It is also an attempt to sow division between
friends to whom the child is jealous. These kinds of lie usually indicates a need
for
friends and social acceptance. Some children will go to any extreme to get
acceptance. This is a cry for help which we parents must
answer.
3. To
exaggerate accomplishments. Often
children lie about grades in school,
athlectic feats and friendships because
they either want to impress their parents or
friends.
This is also a common lie promoted by parents to impress perspective
employers or business associates. If this
lie occurs frequently it indicates low self
esteem and a desire to gain approval.
4. To keep
parents off their backs. Teenagers
commonly have this motivation. They
lie because they believe they are entitled
to more independence and freedom than
have.
Children will lie because they believe it allows them a little respite
from
boundaries and guidelines.
5. They
see adults they respect doing it. This
last one hits home a little harder than
many of us would like to believe. When children know that their parents are
lying.
For example on tax forms or telling a
child to lie about not being home or available
for a phone call when they are. This tells the child or teen ager that under
certain
conditions it is O.K. to lie or that
dishonesty is acceptable.
Lying is a problem every one of else, everyday face. We as parents set the
example. We must deal with lying with diligence,
integrity and honesty. Our children
our watching our
example. If we lie they will. If we deal with it ruthlessly by not
allowing it in our lives or
our children, we will destroy it before it becomes a lifestyle.
Remember no one likes to be
lied to so don't you do it.
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