BEING MARRIED

 

            Being married is a wonderful privilege to be enjoyed not endured but

one secret of staying married is practicing forgiveness and forgetfulness.   The

bible says that love does keep a record of wrongs.  Unfortunately we all know

someone that keeps a ledger of wrongs to use against us or other when it is

convenient.  True love walks in love, acceptance and forgiveness. 

            In my years as a counselor and family advocate I have come accross

my share of couples that have said they have forgiven each other but refuse

to forget.  In a relationship a bad memory is essential in keeping a relationship

healthy.  When asked by our spouse to forgive us it is imperative that we

forgive and forget.  No one likes to have our past mistakes brought up

especially when we were told that we were forgiven.  Nothing breaks down trust

and creates strife like having a forgiven offense re-introduced into a conversation.

Forgiveness comes with no strings attached like true love.  I am not saying that

one who breaks trust should not have to earn back the trust but it is also not

our right as the offended party to continue to use the offense as a weapon or

control mechanism. 

            Lord Balfour wrote, "The best thing to bive your enemy is forgiveness,

to an opponent, tolerance, to a friend, your heart.  To your child, be a good example.

To a father, make him proud.  To a mother, conduct that will make her proud of you.

To yourself, respect and to all men love and charity.

            I often tell my children that forgiveness is a choice which we make before

any offense happens.  Everyday when I pray I ask the Lord to help me practice

instantaneous, complete and overcoming forgiveness.  I have determined before

I am offended how I am going to react when I am confronted with a situation where

I could be offended.  I have determined that no matter what that person does I

will not do the same to them.  I will treat them how I would want to be treated. 

Now forgiveness is never easy but I have discovered that when face with offense

I become not the victim but the victor.  I am not conquered I am the conqueror.

I have discovered that unresolved hurt, bitterness and unforgiveness make us

victims because everything we see and so are colored through the eyes of hurt,

the ears of pain and the smell or bitterness.  These are chains which I refuse to

be jailed with.  So choose to forgive and get release from your prison of pain and

suffering.