JOSEPH UNDERSTOOD ABUSE

 

Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.

 

3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an ornate[a] robe for him. 4 When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

 

5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. 6 He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: 7 We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it.”

 

8 His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

 

9 Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. “Listen,” he said, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.”

 

10 When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?” 11 His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

 

Today I want to share with you a real story of real problems that can happen even in the best and most Godly families.  From this story we will learn how conflict happens and why.  What happens when parents do nothing and also some steps that you can do to help safeguard your family.  Through the life of Jacob and Joseph we will see how God can turn around that which is meant for evil to be good.

 

Joseph is seventeen when we are introduced.  In this passage we get a picture of his early life and the conflict leading up to one of the most critical moments in human history.

 

Joseph was a prince among people.  Yet even princes have bad moments and enemies.  In Joseph case we see several reasons for this.

 

1.       Joseph s 17, he is working with his brothers and he brings a bad report.  People get angry when you  bring a negative report about how they work.  For the male, 70% of our self esteem is wrapped up in what we do and our vocation.  When I lost my jobs a couple of times.  I was devastated.  Reason one for their hatred.

2.      Next, Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other sons.  He was the son of Rachel his favorite wife, he was born when Jacob was older and he gave him a coat of many colors and this show of obvious affection brought hatred and abuse.

 

a.       Some lessons we learn here.  First, in a family never show favoritism, treat all your children the same and with consistency.  When giving gifts especially at birthdays and Christmas always make sure they are of equal value. 

b.      Keep punishments equal. Make sure to keep punishments as equal as possible and avoid constantly singling out a child who engages in more inappropriate behavior in front of their siblings. ...

c.      Settle disputes fairly. ...

d.      Avoid judging competition and comparisons

 

In Jacobs case what is amazing is that he had been the brunt

Of favoritism when his brother Esau was favored over him but he still allowed it in his family.  Patterns can be established.  We can be victims and allow what ever we suffer be allowed in our families.  For example a child who sees substance abuse has a 80% chance of actually doing it themselves.  Same with sexual, physical, and mental abuse.

 

3.       Then Joseph had two dreams, the first was the sheaves of barley in the field and how his sheaf rose up and their sheaves bowed down to him and then  how the sun, moon and eleven stars bowed down to him. 

 

a.       He told his brothers and father about his dreams.  His brothers hated him.  His father rebuked him.  Now we learn here that Joseph did help his case but that is because of being a teen he did not have the social skills yet to handle what was going on in his world. 

b.      This led to his brothers hating him and heaping verbal abuse on him.  They also gossiped, slandered and tried to destroy his reputation.  Verbal abuse believe it or not is more dangerous that physical abuse.  That is why James says the tongue is the most unruly member of our body.

c.      There is not one person sitting here today that has not been at one time in your life a victim of verbal abuse.  It can happen every day as well.  In any time or place.

 

       

Verbal abuse happens out of nowhere in a relationship. It’s a lot more calculating and insidious, causing people on the receiving end to question themselves, wonder if they are overreacting, or even blame themselves. Verbal abuse usually happens in private where no one else can intervene and eventually becomes a regular form of communication within a relationship. For people experiencing it, verbal abuse is often isolating since it chips away at your self-esteem making it more difficult to reach out to a friend. 

 

There are ten forms of verbal abuse.

 

1. Name-calling  Example: “You idiot, now you have made me angry!”

2. Condescension:  light sarcasm and a sarcastic tone of voice, Example: “No wonder you are always moaning about your weight, look how clean your plate is!”

3. Manipulation: a controlling personality,  Example: “If you really loved me you wouldn’t say or do that.”

4. Criticism, constant criticism and belittling of a another , Example: “Why are you so disorganized?

5. Demeaning Comments, putting others down and lifting yourself up.

6. Threats.  Either to yourself, or to others.

7. Blame involves constantly putting the blame for one’s actions onto others

8. Accusations come from jealousy, this was Joseph’s case. repeated accusations are a form of verbal abuse.

9. Withholding, not answering calls, refusing to discuss a matter or not talking.  Sometimes a partner may walk away from an argument.  This can be good but also can be a form of abuse.

10. Never apologizing for what you have done or taking responsibility for your actions.  Deflecting and turning it around.  This is also called circular arguments.

 

9 things you can do to stop verbal abuse

 

1.      Abuse is never justified so, you should never feel that it is your fault. Guilt is a tool that abusers will use to keep control over you

2.      Let the abuser know how hurtful their words are and discuss with them the fact that it is unacceptable to you. Set boundaries on what you will and will not accept from your abuser.

3.      Seek counseling, either together or separately.  Talk to a trusted friend, or authority figure.

4.      Surround yourself with a support system of family and friends. Discuss with them what is happening and how you are feeling.  Get a proper perspective.

5.      Leave. Your personal safety is far more important than the relationship.  Be prepared to leave if necessary. Sometimes distance is the only way to diffuse things.

6.      Do not engage in conflict with your abuser.  Stay calm, walk away and don’t give him/her what they want…a reaction from you.

7.      Take back your power. If you react to the abuser, you are rewarding them. Letting them know they have power over your emotions. Don’t allow the abuser to have control over how you feel.

8.      Set boundaries and interaction, There are times when the best thing you can do for yourself is, break all ties with your abuser or resort to legal action.

9.      Pray, seek God’s face, forgive and do not do the same to them as they have done to you.

 

Now in Joseph’s case it would lead to one of the most critical moments in human history.  Which we will look in our next message. There is freedom and Victory in Jesus Christ.

You can be free.  You do not have to stay the  victim or the conquered today.   Now I want to pray for you.