25 Husbands, love your
wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make
her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to
present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any
other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to
love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29
After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their
body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am
talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love
his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Today we are looking at proper
relationships and I am addressing men not because I am afraid to tackle the
issue of women’s liberation but that the biggest problem today is the world has
an improper view of men. In our
message this morning we are looking at what a real relationship between man and
wife should look like.
1. In Vs 25, Paul says that men are to love their wives. The word for love here has four meanings. Men are to be their spouse’s friend, family,
lover and spiritual head. Men are to be
the high priest in their homes and lead their family in the things of God. Men are to love their spouses unconditionally
with no strings attached.
a. Paul then uses the example in
Vs 26, as Christ loved the church. Jesus
has a complete love for the church. He
looks at His church as a bride. Have you
looked at your spouse at as perpetual bride?
You will never cheat on or defile in any way. Also you love her the same way you loved her
on the day she walked down the aisle and knocked your socks off. Remember have you felt. How blessed you felt
knowing that this beautiful creature walking down the aisle to you had chosen
you with all your faults, failures, habits and inconsistencies. She made a decision to love, honor and
cherish you till death do you part.
b. Christ gave Himself up for her.
He gave His life. Jesus said the
greatest thing you can do is lay down your life for a friend. Are you willing to do the same for your
family? Many say yes, but then comes the
time where the stress, obligations, responsibilities of marriage become too
much and many people call it quits. Too
many men these days do that. Divorce is
easy staying together is hard. The only
cause for Christian divorce is adultery or the non-Christian partner wants to
leave. Then you let them go so you can
both live in peace.
c. Christ made His church and bride two things. She was made holy. Men you need to do the same. Your spouse is a temple of the Holy Spirit so
treat her as such. Never defile, demand
or try to make her unholy by any means.
Could be by what you say, imply, do and think about here.
d. The second thing he did was cleanse her with the washing of the
word. This means that as the spiritual
head and high priest of the family your time together in family devotions,
private prayer you speak the word over her.
Call her the bride of Christ, a royal priesthood, holy nation, chosen
generation. Speak blessing over her life
using the word. Call her a victor,
conqueror, and overcomer. Tell God why
you love her. This reminds you, her and
God why you love and respect her. Never
speak bad things about your spouse in public or other people. You are washing her, protecting her and
blessing her in this matter.
e. Christ is proud of you. He
knows every fault, failure and sin you and possess yet He loves you. He sees what you can become not what you
currently are. Do you see the good,
potential and true worth in your wife?
2. In vs 27, Jesus sees us His church as radiant, without stain,
wrinkle or blemish. Man is that how you
see your spouse? She overlooks your
obvious faults, failures and habits can you do the same? Because men are generally task orientated and
non-emotional we often overlook the opinions, needs, wants and desires of our
spouses or just blow them off as a woman thing.
a. Paul says see her as
blameless and holy. Now remember Paul is
talking to a group of people that just left paganism and idolatry and have no
idea what godly relationship is all about.
This is a relationship guide for them.
He is giving them a proper view of each other.
b. Remember most of these men
had been up to their conversion been cavorting with prostitutes and been
immoral. They had no idea how to have a
godly family. This is focus on the
family moment for them. Like today many
people have no idea what a godly relationship or family looks like and even
those who call themselves Christian often are confused.
3. In vs 28-29, He says love your wife as you love your own body. Also those who love they wives loves
themselves. How a man treats his spouse
reflects how he looks at himself.
Abusive people actually hate themselves and take it out on others. The very qualities you attack in others you
see as lacking in yourself. Truth be
told when you hate others you actually hate yourself. Hurt, bitterness and unforgiveness color
everything you think, say and do.
a. Paul makes an assumption that everyone does not hate
themselves. Instead they care, feed and
nurture their bodies. So in the same way
as Christ, loves, care, feeds and nurture His church men are to do the same
with their spouses.
b. For we are all members of His body.
Paul uses this analogy because as the body has many parts supporting and
helping each part so a man and wife and family unit must do the same. The church is the ultimate model but the home
is a macro version of the church. When
the home is strong the church is strong and vice versa.
4. Paul then closes this portion with an introduction to godly marriage
right from the pages of Genesis. A man
will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Now the Ephesian male society was made of
polygamy, bigamy, mistresses, slaves, and visiting temple prostitutes. So here is Paul saying you must be true to
your wife. All these other versions you
see in our societies is not God’s design.
a. You are united to her for life.
The two become one. This is God’s
math. Man’s math is the two become
2. They have separate identities. In God’s design they become one
identity. They compliment and completely
each other. Their strengths and
weaknesses give them a whole unit. Two
are better than one. Two stand stronger
than one. They help each other in times
of weakness. They hold each other
up. They fight, protect and work
together.
b. This is God’s design for family and marriage and when someone comes
to you and tells you there is another type of marriage this is their design not
God’s. Some people tell me Jesus never
talked about this and they are dead wrong.
He said this same thing in Matt 19:5.
God’s plan for marriage is a man and women not some other version as
some proponents spout today. Paul’s day
was just as bad even worse in some ways.
c. Paul says this is a mystery about Christ and His church. The church is a bride, a compliment of Christ. Paul then closes once again reemphasizing
that a husband must love his wife as he does himself. Remember Jesus said you are to love God with
every fiber of your being and when you do you get healed and then enables you
to love others as you love yourself.
Loving your spouse is actually loving God and loving yourself.
d. The last exhortation is for wives to respect their husband. Remember he is not perfect, he is flawed,
faulty, failure orientated and very human.
Respect him because he now knows how to treat his wife. These Ephesian men and men of today now have
been crystal clear instructions on how they are to treat and work with their
spouses. It will be a work in
progress. It will probably be a life
time process. It will take patience,
give and take, overlooking and working together. A good illustration is a process of a
diamond. A diamond starts out of a lump
of coal but over time with lots of pressure it becomes hard, clear and of great
value and so will your marriage.
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